Y'ALL.
This past week was a big one. It was full of highs and lows, laughter and some tears, but here I am, at the end of it. And guess what? I am better because of getting through it. We will get to the good stuff but I am going to quickly run through some of the hardships.
This may be sharing too much and I am not looking for pity or extra attention, but I am diagnosed with mental illnesses- General Anxiety Disorder and Clinical Depression. Now, those two tend to go hand in hand because they feed off each other rather well. In order to cope with this, I filled my school year with multiple responsibilities. I exhausted myself and then proceeded to fly to Germany 2 days after finals were over for this study abroad program. So to say, I hit a wall on Wednesday and I could feel it coming but I chose to ignore it. That wall will find you. You have to know when to take a breather. That day came with many frustrations as well: arriving somewhere to film but the group was nowhere near it; then attending a wonderfully informative seminar on eating disorders but leaving very self-conscious and aware of my extra weight; the day continued to be the longest academic day we have had on this trip so far; and then realizing that maybe I haven't quite done enough work for my independent study course and that I need to get on it. I got through that day though. It was hard but I did it. Then Thursday, I woke up and proceeded to try to run through this metaphorical wall. I couldn't. I barely got through class and tried to put myself out there so I could start work on my independent study. No success. I chose to come back to the apartment and go to bed. That is what I did and I could not have made a better choice. I proceeded to spend the next 6 hours or so in my bed sleeping and texting my fiance. I was having that moment when you wonder if you can get through this experience. I am supposed to be here learning and having fun. Then finally he told me to let go (I know...go ahead and sing the song from Frozen), and I realized something about myself. I don't know what I was holding onto exactly but it was like I was waiting for something to go wrong. If you look for it, something will go wrong. So finally, I did. I let it go (again. go ahead. sing.). When I opened up and got myself together, everything immediately felt better. I could look back on the time here more appreciatively and I can see gains that I have made.
Now, here's the good stuff. Most of my education happened outside the classroom, BUT there have been some amazing discussions and experiences within classrooms as well. I have realized this week that music therapy can be so many things, depending on the situation and each individual. I think I was trying to put a specific view on it that isn't necessary. We saw an activity in the seminar on Wednesday, which involved using singing bowls placed on the clients' bodies. This bowls vibrate on a single pitch when struck. In this activity, the bowl was usually placed on the ankles, then just above the knee, and then the stomach. While this was happening, the co-therapist was playing a vibraphone in the background in a key inclusive of the pitches that rang from the singing bowls. Aside from never seeing this done before, it made me realize how multi-functional one music experience can be. I am not sure of the exact goal behind the activity, but I saw the grounding effects of this activity and its meditative-like quality.
Going from that learning experience on Wednesday, I had a powerful and wonderful night seeing a music experience meaning different things to different people all under the same roof, and I was included in this. Every year, Heidelberg hosts an event called the Queer Festival. Now, this isn't like a pride event in the United States. It is broken up over weeks of different events and venues highlighting LGBTQ+ artists from all genres (literature, dance, music, etc.). Well, I had the exciting pleasure of attending a performance from Cakes Da Killa (google him) and an after party in the same place hosted by him. There aren't gay bars or clubs here, so this was a whole new level of exciting for me. This entire event was put on by people of the LGBTQ+ community, from the bartenders to the tech crew. It was comfortable and I didn't know a single soul there, but by the end of the night, we were all swept up in the music and the positive vibes. So much love happened. Hugs and holding hands and dancing together all happened. Now, I left still not knowing anyone's name but that didn't matter. That wasn't the point. This music urged everyone to dance, relax, feel free, let their feelings flow. We were all in a safe space, and everyone dance out feelings to the music. In some kind of way, isn't music therapy based off this idea? These people were kind and happy to share a space with their community. It was wonderful.
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